Finding the Balance

Well, I have successfully completed my first full month of volunteering at the literacy council and with Americorps VISTA. For any that are contemplating an application to the VISTA program next year (my spot will be free, I graduate in May), perhaps what is holding you back is the thought that you will not have the time to volunteer on top of all other obligations. This was my initial apprehension as well, so allow me to put it in perspective.

Without attempting to sound arrogant, I have a very, very full schedule this fall semester. With five courses, two part-time jobs, the role of president in Sigma Tau Delta, and graduate school applications this semester, I'm swamped. But I make time to volunteer because I feel that I have been blessed with the capability to balance all of these things at once and stay afloat. Some days I feel like it is too much, and on those days I am honest with myself and those who ask me to do something extra. For example, because my Tuesday through Thursday is packed to the point that I have no time for lunch (I just eat a sandwich between classes), I make sure my Monday morning is totally free. If I'm asked to help with an ongoing project on Mondays, I'll politely refuse because I know that I need that time to unwind, to possibly drink a few cups of coffee in the silence of my house and mentally prepare for the week.

Every so often I abandon my peaceful Monday morning to help with something that is one-time-only-- talking to Dr. Cella's class about the council, for example, or providing transportation to help with the oral history project. Sometimes I use that time to meet with professors about graduate school applications. Either way, it's my choice on Monday mornings. And I think that when someone has a schedule that is so demanding for the rest of the week, having that span of a few hours that are set aside for just slowing down becomes more important than ever.

And yes, sometimes the weight of all of these weekly obligations is a little too heavy, but it's never unbearable. If it were unbearable, I would opt out. But I think the true goal of my year is to prioritize my obligations so there is a balance between self-interested tasks, like studying to make grades that are only mine or applying to graduate school so that I can do what I want, and taking a step outside of my world to help somebody else. Looking at it retrospectively, I was totally self-interested last year when it came to my obligations. I never really carved out the time to pay it forward. On one hand, this selfishness allowed me maintain an impressive GPA, travel throughout Europe, and stand out as an English major to my professors. This time was undoubtedly productive for me as a person and it allowed me to figure out (as cliche as it sounds) who am I and what I want. But I was missing something in all of that, and it wasn't until I joined Americorps that I figured out what that missing thing was.

And yes, sometimes I get stressed, but I can tell you this-- I never walk out of the council with stress. I walk out of the council aware of my capability to do a good thing and to help change a life by disconnecting from my self-obsessed life as a college student. I walk away with a better sense of the importance of education, not just as it pertains to my personal life and goals, but as it pertains to the community as a whole. I walk away knowing that I can maintain my selfishness as a college student while also making time for selflessness.

If you're a person who is barely hanging on as it is, then perhaps volunteering isn't for you right now. An effective VISTA is a person who has carefully crafted the skill needed to balance multiple responsibilities at once, and at times it is tough. But it is always, always worth it in the end.